True Freedom

Guess what?? I grew into my nose and my forehead. Well, maybe not, but mentally I did. When I was in middle school, I was BEYOND insecure about my looks. I felt inferior to my friends and, in my opinion, was shy and awkward. I am not sure what everyone else thought, but that did not matter. When it came to ME, I was blah. I remember a friend of mine (whose name I will not mention but she may be reading this and was a DOLL for trying) talked to a guy I had a crush on about me and reported back to me that he said "Her nose is too big!" Yeah, it stuck with me. Even when I got to high school, those words never went away. I did not dwell on it, but it never... went... away! I had great friends in high school though, and even though I felt awkward and like I did not fit in much, they never made me think that THEY felt that way. It is only NOW that I can look back and realize I was lucky for that. 

I am not sure at what point in my life this all changed, but it changed BIG TIME. I love my nose. :-) And my forehead. What is not to love? Yes, Elleah looks a lot like her daddy, but when I look at her, I see a lot of myself as well, and she is perfect!!! So how dare me think anything about myself that may cause me to be hard on myself. I have become comfortable with who I am. I am honest about who I am. I am serious and silly, and definitely have my moments... both the blonde variety and the bitchy variety. I speak before thinking, and even though my body has suffered a tragic loss after Elleah, I still rock my swimsuit at the beach. I do not wear make up every day and I have been known to mosey up into Wal-Mart in my big tshirts and comfy pants. I do take pride in myself but I have become comfortable with what is realistic for myself.... and so even though I may look a-mess sometimes, I take pride in WHY I look that way. 

I think that this is TRUE FREEDOM. When you reach a point in your life where what others have to say about you and what they may think about you does not matter, that is an amazing feeling. I know that most of us say "Oh I do not care what other people think about me." But if you think SERIOUSLY to yourself if that statement is true, and it truly truly is, then you have true freedom. I think that there are times we steer away, but finding your way back to yourself is what it is all about. Right now, I feel that way. I am extremely content with being me and I hope I stay that way for a long long time (like as in FOREVER ;-)). 

I know a lot of people that spend their days thinking/saying/judging things that are so insignificant. And it is their right to do so. But this is not the kind of thing that I want to surround myself with. It is hard to stay content and happy when there are so many negative nellys out there. And while facebook is awesome, I think that it is time for me to step away for a little while. Gradually. And by basically saying bye-bye to people as their negativity is shown (whether it is shown ON fb or in person). Most of you won't even see the difference though, because most of you are amazing people!! :-P